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Title: Admiral “A.J.”
Rating: 13 for language.
*SPOILER: A TANGLED WEBB If you have not seen the episode, this won’t make any sense.
Summary: What the Admiral and Harriet were thinking after their “talk” in his office
Feedback: Welcome as always. StarTrails@h...
Disclaimer: I don’t own JAG, and after last night’s ep, I’m not sure I’d want to anyway. ;-)
Notes: Told from Harriet & AJ’s POVs. I could’ve killed AJ last night, so here goes a little justification.
1532 EST
JAG HQ
FALLS CHURCH, VA
Hot tears sting my eyes and burn my cheeks. After the Admiral told me in no uncertain terms to shut the hell up and get lost, I felt the tears start to well up as soon as I left his office. I tried to hurry to the ladies room, hoping to make it there before I broke down, but with this baby inside me getting bigger every day, the last thing I am is fast on my feet. So here I am, in the middle of the hallway, crying like a little girl.
I thought the Admiral could use a friendly shoulder, or at least a willing ear. I’ve never been so wrong in my life. *Excuse me* for not being as screwed up as the Commander and the Colonel. I guess he sees fit to be open only with the most backward, hot-headed people on the staff.
I know that I’m still technically with the Inspector General’s office, but after all these years, I really thought I was part of the JAG family. Bad guess. Really bad. I’m good enough for the filing, copying, and other chores, but not to talk to as a human being. He may be an Admiral, and I’m just a Lieutenant, but damnit, I’m a mother, and I know when someone needs a friend, be him four years old or fifty-five.
Albert Jethro? More like Asshole Jackass. Give me a couple more minutes and I can probably think of ten more things AJ could stand for.
What have I done? I take my reading glasses off and practically throw them down on my desk. Poor woman probably thinks I’ll have her reassigned back to the IG. I just didn’t know what to say, so I said the first thing that came to mind. And that was obviously a mistake. These two stars don’t mean I’m perfect, and hell, nobody knows that better’n me.
The question now is, what will I say next?
“Tiner!” Maybe he can find her and get her back in here. I’m sure I’m the last person she wants to see right now, but I’ve got to put this right before it does some real damage.
Tiner comes in and I tell him to track Harriet down and bring her to me, even if he has to drag her kicking and screaming.
Tiner’s literally pulling me back to the Admiral’s office. I might as well fill out my resignation papers right now, because what other reason can he possibly have for wanting to see me other than to tell me I’m a disgrace to the uniform?
This ought to be fun. I can hear him now - “Lieutenant, get the hell out of the Navy and take your limping husband with you!” Well excuse me for not being as strong as you, Admiral. No, I may not have seen combat as a SEAL, but I’ve buried a baby girl and almost lost my husband to a land mine. I know a little something about pain.
Shake it off, Simms, I tell myself. Get in there and look straight at the wall like you always do. Stand at attention and take the ass chewing like the officer you are. It’s probably the last one anyway, now that my career’s over.
There’s a timid knock at the door. “Enter!” I shout.
Harriet comes in and shuts the door behind her. As she steps closer to me, I see that her eyes are red and a little wet. I sigh. If I felt like a jerk before, now I feel like a first-class asshole.
“At ease,” I tell her. But she keeps her eyes fixed ahead, staying at attention. “I said at ease, Lieutenant.”
“Yes sir, but respectfully sir, I’ll be able to take it better this way.”
What is she talking about? “Take what better?”
“Whatever you’re about to say to me, sir. And, why don’t I save you the trouble, sir. My resignation papers will be on your desk shortly.”
She’s got to be kidding. I get right in her face. “WHAT?! Are you planning to go to Paraguay too? Damnit, Lieutenant, my two top officers are very likely dead or getting close to it, and you’re gonna pull this kind of stunt? I expect better from you!” I massage my temples for a second; I feel the granddaddy of all tension headaches coming on.
“Have a seat, Harriet.” I sit next to her on the other side of my desk. Don’t go off the deep end again, AJ. I’ve gotta be delicate with this. My tone is much softer. “Now why on earth would you talk about resigning? Is it your pregnancy? Everything all right?”
“No sir, that’s fine. Well, I’ve been having leg pains, but that’s about it.”
“Then where is this resignation talk coming from? I know you’re a good friend of Harm and Mac, but the best way for you to help them is to stay here and stay alive.”
Harriet lets out the breath she must’ve been holding, bracing herself for whatever she thought I was going to say. “I’m sorry sir. I don’t want to resign.”
“Well I’m glad to hear that. We need you here too much. Now go on.”
“Well, sir, forgive me, but I felt like I was going out on a limb, trying to let you know Bud and I are here if you need to talk. I know the Commander and the Colonel are like family to you, and this can’t possibly be easy on you.”
“Easy? No, Lieutenant, you’ve got that right.” I don’t want to get into it with her, but I have no choice. If I don’t, she may walk out of here in tears again, and the last thing I need is a pregnant officer crying in the middle of the office. No doubt it would just happen to coincide with a surprise visit from the SecNav. “Harriet, I’ve lost men to choice as well as chance. I’ve seen my buddies get their heads blown off in combat, and I’ve seen outstanding officers suddenly decide to leave the Service. That’s the nature of the beast. This is the Navy, and people come and go. And if you think I’ve gotten used to it by now, you’re wrong. I have lost people before, and I’ll lose them again. But it never gets any easier.”
She listens quietly, nodding here and there, and I think I’m starting to get through to her. “I apologize if I was harsh with you before. You’re right – Harm and Mac are like family to me. But so are you and Bud, and everyone else on this staff. And when people like Harm and Mac risk their lives, especially when there’s nothing I or anyone else can do to help them, not only does it not get easier, it gets a helluva lot harder.”
I pause, looking around the room. Everything’s here – my medals, the fireplace, various Navy insignias and portraits of heroic Admirals on the wall. But something’s different. If not in the room, then in me. I don’t know that it’s me saying them, but I hear the words come out. “I couldn’t talk about it with you before because...I...Harriet, I’m just so goddamn scared.”
There. I said it.
“Do you understand?” I continue. “I can’t even think about it, much less talk about it. If I let myself get carried away every time someone I care about is in danger, I might as well curl up under a blanket and go to sleep for the next forty years, because it’d be unbearable.”
Harriet keeps nodding, and I can see tears starting in her eyes again. “None of that now,” I tell her. “They’re gonna be fine.”
She sniffles. “Respectfully, sir, you don’t know that.”
“No, I don’t know for sure. But I *am* sure of two other things. One, there’s an almighty and merciful God above us. And two, if there are any two people in the world who can fight their way through hell and back, they’re Harmon Rabb and Sarah Mackenzie.”
She smiles, the tears gone before they got anywhere. “They are quite a pair, aren’t they, Admiral.”
“I would trust my life with both of them, and I know they trust each other with theirs. They’ll be fine. Although I can’t say the same for Mr. Webb. I would take great pleasure in snapping his neck like a twig.”
Harriet laughs, and I think we’ll be all right. “Yes sir. Thank you sir. I needed that.”
“I needed it more.”
“I hate to say it again, Admiral, but if you ever need to talk again…”
“I’ll come find you. But don’t forget I have a fiancé now. And she’s a good listener.”
“Yes sir, I know.”
“Well you know what *I* know, Lieutenant? I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. *I* know that Harm and Mac are gonna come home in one piece, because if they don’t, I’ll have to find a new best man.”
“Sir?”
I smile and nod. “I was going to ask Rabb before he threw his resignation papers in my face. We don’t have a date set yet, but I want him to stand up with me.”
“Oh, sir! That’s wonderful!” There she is, that’s the cheerful, excited Harriet I recognize.
“You better get out there and start the rumor mill going. I think the staff could use some juicy gossip right about now. Dismissed.”
“Aye aye, sir. Thank you sir!”
(The end?)
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