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Chapter 1
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Chaplain Turner’s Den
Several days after Harm’s return to JAG HQ following his trial

“She said she needed to know that I was okay before she left.” Harm walked slowly over to the window and stared, unseeing, at some distant point.

As the quiet ticking of the mantel clock marked the passing of what seemed like hours, Chaplain Turner finally asked, “And?”

“And before I could even try to answer, Mac changed the subject. Two minutes later, she was walking out the door, leaving to go who knows where with Clayton Webb.” The rigid set of the younger man’s shoulders and the dull gaze in his eyes never faltered.

“Are...you...okay?”

More long minutes passed as Harm tried to formulate a reply which he could give without completely losing his hard-won composure. Why was it that while he could come up with a passionate argument in seconds in the courtroom on someone else’s behalf, when anyone asked him a personal question, his brain froze, his tongue got trapped between his teeth, and his larynx spasmed? As Mac had so smugly pointed out, he couldn’t ever tell her how he felt, at least not when she wanted to hear it; and now he couldn’t even answer Chaplain Turner, a man who had to be one of the easiest people in the world to confide in.

“Harm?” The chaplain’s voice was gentle, concerned.

Still gazing out the window, intently staring at nothing, Harm took a deep breath. Maybe it would help to tell someone how he felt. It would have been nice to talk to Mac, but she was in South America. And even if she had been in DC, there was no guarantee he could have actually opened his mouth and made the words come out. “No. I’m not okay.”

Stunned by the reply, Chaplain Turner took two steps toward Harm, before a torrent of words came out.

“I don’t know that I’ll ever be okay again. I can’t sleep at night. When I do sleep, it’s just to have nightmares. I can hardly concentrate at work because I’m so tired. I don’t know why, but I thought it would work out. I thought that I could return to my life and pick up where I left off, but I can’t. Chaplain, I lost a month of my life that I’ll never have again. Everyone else went on with theirs. I’ve been out of the loop for four weeks. Yet when I went back to work the other day, people just acted like I’d been on a TAD or something. ‘Good morning, Commander. Good to have you back.’ And that was it.” He turned abruptly and began to wander around the chaplain’s den, still not meeting his old friend’s father’s eyes. “Sturgis tried to say something, but he accepted it when I told him I was going forward. That’s what he wanted to hear. But you know what? I’m not....I can’t....I can’t get over the fact that people I thought were my friends, people that I thought knew me well enough to know that I would never have killed Loren, people that I honestly believed would have been there for me while I was slowly going nuts in the brig, deserted me completely for that month.”

The chaplain interrupted him gently. “Harm, the admiral ordered them to stay away. He was under orders from the SecNav to keep JAG out of the process. Your friends had no choice.”

The look Harm turned on him was anguished. “I know. I also know that I wouldn’t have obeyed that order if it had been Sturgis, or Bud, or Mac in that brig. I would have been doing my damnedest to get to the truth. It wouldn’t have taken a lazy, lousy, NCIS agent to finally realize that the whole case stank and to decide to reopen the investigation that wasn’t done properly to begin with.” He made another circuit of the room. “I would *never* have abandoned a friend like that. Not even if the President himself had told me to.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “And every single one of them knows that.”

“Harm...”

“Do you have any idea how much it hurts? To know that they let me rot in that damn cell, let me sit there wondering how soon it would be before the defense attorney assigned to my case sharpened enough pencils to kill a hundred trees and then played her trump card in court? ‘Your Honor, my client says he’s innocent. The defense rests.’ And then they would have shipped me off to Leavenworth. Hell, with my luck, I’d have had to room with Clark Palmer.” He laughed bitterly. “No, I’d probably have gotten the death sentence.” Another trip around the room punctuated his comments. “No one even sent me a postcard to say ‘Hang in there. We know you didn’t do it.’ I can understand why none of them was allowed to be my defense counsel. But I find it very difficult to believe that no one was allowed to contact me at all.” He blinked back the tears that were threatening to spill. Reaching for his cover, he turned to face the chaplain. “I’m sorry, Sir. I shouldn’t have spoken as I did. I’ll be going now.”

Chaplain Turner put a hand on his shoulder. “Harm, sit down. There’s no need to go anywhere. You obviously needed to say what you did. My guess is that you still need to say more. How about some coffee?” As he spoke, he maneuvered them back to the couch.

Shaking his head, Harm said, “Thanks, but no. I’m sleeping so badly these days that I try to avoid coffee after lunch.” He sank onto the sofa, fiddling with his cover.

“Something else?”

“No, thank you. Really, I’m fine.” He blew out a long breath. “Is it wrong of me to feel hurt? Betrayed?”

“No, not wrong at all. Even Christ felt betrayed by His friends, remember?”

“Yeah, but somehow I’ve never really considered myself in that league.” Harm attempted a smile that failed in its execution.

Shrugging, the chaplain replied, “Perhaps not, but I think that it’s normal to feel the way you do when your friends abandon you in your hour of need. You wouldn’t be human if you weren’t hurt.” His decision made, he went on. “And I agree. You wouldn’t have left any of your friends hanging in the wind like they left you. Of course, you might have found yourself charged with DDO, but when has that ever stopped you? So, yes, you have every reason to feel the way you do....Are you angry with them?”

Harm considered the question carefully. “No, not angry. Hurt. So hurt that I honestly don’t know that I want to be at JAG anymore. Every face I see reminds me that I didn’t see them when I needed them most. I honestly don’t know that I can count on anyone anymore. And that hurts too.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “How can I work with people that I no longer trust? People that obviously don’t trust me? They thought I actually killed her. It’s the only explanation.” Rubbing his forehead, he continued. “No one even put my computer back together.”

“You lost me on that one, son.”

“My office – the NCIS people took every file, every book, every piece of anything for evidence. They took my model airplanes. What did they think I did? Bash her on the head with a plastic Tomcat? When I got back to work the other day, it was all still in boxes, piled on the furniture. I had to spend the better part of the first day back unpacking and putting things where they belonged. You’d think that Tiner or Harriet or someone could have at least hooked all those stupid computer wires back up. I’m lucky I didn’t blow the thing up doing it wrong.” He shrugged. “Coates, at least, had sorted my mail. And she did apologize for telling the court she thought I was abusive.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Harm.” The chaplain’s rich voice was soothing. “I don’t know what to say that will make you feel better, other than that time does heal a lot of wounds.”

“I suppose so.” He stood and held out a hand to the chaplain. “Thanks for listening, Sir. I honestly do appreciate it.”

“Any time, Harm. You know where to find me.” The chaplain smiled as he walked to the door with him.

As he watched the commander drive away, Chaplain Turner shook his head sadly. Harm might not admit it, but the young man was depressed. Whether or not he needed anything more than a friendly ear was a question that could only be answered by time. Sighing heavily, he went to the telephone and dialed.

“Admiral Chegwidden’s Office,” Tiner said as he picked up the receiver.

“This is Chaplain Turner. I’d like to speak with the Admiral.”

“One minute please. I’ll see if he’s in.” Tiner pushed the hold button and buzzed his CO. “Admiral, it’s the chaplain, on line one.”

“Thank you, Tiner. I’ve got it.” Raising one eyebrow, the admiral picked up the phone. “Chaplain Turner, how are you?”

“Fine, thanks,” the deep voice rumbled through the receiver. “But I thought I’d pass on a feeling I have.” He paused a minute to quell the feelings he had of betraying a confidence, reminding himself that Harm hadn’t said not to share the conversation with anyone. “I had a visitor today.”

“Let me guess. Commander Rabb.” The admiral’s voice left no doubt that it wasn’t a question.

“Right. While I don’t feel at liberty to share what we discussed, I do think that you should be aware that regardless of how well he seems to be handling the events of the past month and his return to JAG, looks can be deceptive.”

The admiral pursed his lips. “I see. I don’t suppose it helps that the Colonel has gone off on some hare-brained mission with Webb, either.”

“No, probably not. I’m sure he’s worried about her.”

“So am I. Anything else you can tell me?” The admiral’s tone left no doubt in Chaplain Turner’s mind that the admiral was not going to accept a negative response.

“I’ve known Harm since he was at the Academy with Sturgis. While he’s always been a fairly private person, there are a few things about him that have always stood out.”

“Such as?”

“His sense of loyalty and duty. And his abandonment issues, for lack of a better term.”

“Chaplain, are you trying to tell me that he feels like he was abandoned during his recent trial?”

“That is my impression. Think about it, Admiral. The boy’s father disappeared when he was six years old. His mother had his father declared dead six years later and married someone else, despite Harm’s belief that his father was still alive. And as it turns out, he was right. His father didn’t die until five or six years after that. How many times has Harm laid it all on the line – his career, his life, everything – to help a friend? Sturgis told me how he risked court-martial to stay with Mac and Bud on the Seahawk last year. Sturgis also told me how you ordered all of Harm’s friends to stay away from the brig while he was there. And how you denied them permission to investigate the murder, even though the NCIS rushed their investigation and rushed the case to trial, not even bothering to consider the possibility that someone else could have been the murderer. If you were Harm, how would you feel?”

“Point taken.” The admiral rubbed his hand over his head. With Mac on TAD with Webb, he honestly didn’t need any new problems with his other senior attorney. “Surely he had support from other friends and his family, though.”

Choking back an incredulous laugh, the chaplain said, “You’re kidding. What other friends? Harm’s whole life revolves around JAG and the Navy. Clayton Webb and Bobbi Latham are probably the only non-Navy people Harm has seen socially in years. As for family, what family? His mother was out of the country the entire time this was going on. His grandmother is in her eighties. He didn’t tell either one of them. He didn’t want them to worry when there was nothing they could do. He was completely isolated throughout the entire ordeal. It would have broken a weaker man.”

“So Rabb feels abandoned by his friends and colleagues. Perhaps he should have thought of that before he acted so strange when the murder was first discovered.”

“Once again, Admiral, he was acting out of loyalty – to his brother, who he thought was the baby’s father.”

“Misguided loyalty,” was the dry response.

“Perhaps, but loyalty all the same.”

The admiral took a deep breath. “I assume there is something you want me to do?”

The deep voice rumbled. “I think that it might be a good idea to facilitate his feeling part of life at JAG again. And I think it would be a mistake for people to think that just because he isn’t going around complaining about the experience that it therefore wasn’t an ordeal.”

“You want us to give the man a welcome back party?”

“Not really. But I do think that people should keep an eye on him – make sure he doesn’t seem too depressed. Invite him to lunch, that sort of thing. You know how in a month routines can change. People who aren’t around get forgotten. He needs to be included again.”

“I understand. I’ll see what I can do. Thanks for the heads up, Chaplain.”

“Any time. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Good-bye, Chaplain.”

The admiral slowly replaced the receiver in its cradle and rubbed his head again. What now? If the commander had been to see the chaplain, then Harm was in a lot worse shape emotionally than he had thought. Why in the hell did Mac have to be in Paraguay right now?

********************
Chapter 2
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Admiral Chegwidden kept a quiet eye on the commander for the next few days, trying to see if he agreed with Chaplain Turner’s assessment of Rabb’s emotional state. After noticing that Harm was holed up in his office if he wasn’t in court, often staring blankly at his computer screen or a file that never seemed to get written in, the admiral reluctantly decided that Turner was correct. Harm was definitely out of sync with the rest of the staff. Lunch time would come and go, and the commander would still be in his office, emerging only to pull something from the break room’s refrigerator after his friends had left to eat. The admiral occasionally caught a wistful look on Harm’s face as he watched Sturgis, Bud, and Harriet standing by the elevator, engrossed in conversation. He never saw Rabb approach any of his colleagues unless it was related to a case. And none of them seemed to think to invite him to join them. For all intents and purposes, Rabb could have been part of the furniture when it came to interaction with the JAG staff.

It might have just been his imagination, but AJ was beginning to get the impression that the commander was avoiding contact with his friends as much as they were forgetting to include him. All in all, not a good situation for the long-term morale of the office. Harm had always been the epicenter of JAG. If he wasn’t on top of his game, the whole operation would suffer. It might just be time to interfere.

To make matters worse, a reliable source at the CIA had called him to say that Mac and Webb had missed their last two check-ins. Something was wrong down in Paraguay as well. And ‘the company’ didn’t seem to be planning to do anything about it. Losing Mac completely would probably send Rabb right over the edge. The admiral sighed heavily as he gazed through his office window.

A sharp rap on the door frame interrupted his musings. “Admiral, Commander Rabb would like to see you,” Tiner said.

“Send him in.” The admiral continued to stare at the trees beyond the parking lot. “Close the hatch, Commander.”

“Yes, Sir.” The soft snick of the door sounded, and AJ heard the crisp snap of the commander’s heels as he said, “Commander Rabb reporting, sir.”

“What is it, Commander?”

“Admiral, I’d like to take a couple of weeks leave. I’ve got the time on the books, and there is nothing really pressing on my desk right now.”

“Commander, we’re a little short-handed right now with the Colonel being TAD, in case you haven’t noticed.”

Eyes straight ahead, his posture stiffly at attention, Harm tried again. “I understand that, sir. But respectfully, I really need some time off to take care of some things that got a little out of control while I was awaiting trial.” He swallowed painfully and went on. “It’s not as if the cases I’ve been given this week have required any particular level of expertise. Tiner could have handled any of them.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, Commander. Request denied.” The admiral turned to look at his top attorney. What he saw on Harm’s face shook him. There were new lines, and he wasn’t sure he didn’t see a few gray hairs near Harm’s temples. His eyes, normally his most expressive feature, looked dead, as if he had seen more than he could handle. Chaplain Turner was right. Harm looked worn, tired, defeated. His intensity was missing; the spark of mischief in his eyes was gone. It was as if his body was in the room, but his spirit was UA. AJ ran a hand over his head. How on earth could anyone bring Harm’s spirit back? Could anyone reach him? There was no way he could tell him about Mac and Webb. The news would devastate him.

“Sir,” Harm began. “I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important. You know that.”

“What sort of things? It shouldn’t take more than an evening to catch up on paying your bills.”

Staring at his favorite focal point in the room, a knot in the mellow wood paneling, Harm replied, “I need some time to think, Admiral. I need to sort out some things in my life and my career.”

“I know how you feel, Commander...”

“With all due respect, Sir, you do...not...know...how I feel.” Harm’s throat convulsed with his words.

“You think you’re the only one in this office who’s ever had their six in the fire, Mr. Rabb? Who has ever had their career on the line?”

“No, Sir....Yes, Sir.”

The admiral got in his face. “Do you care to explain that?”

“Sir, when you had your flag mast, when the SecNav had Lindsey investigate the office and your performance, everyone here stood by you. Mac defended you. We all contributed to the rebuttal documents. The situations are entirely different.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” the admiral snapped at him.

“Admiral, it wasn’t just my career on the line this time. It was my life. And no one stood by me. No one. The only person I saw in four weeks was my lawyer.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t know who selected that defense attorney for me, but I hope it wasn’t you. If Gibbs hadn’t decided to reopen the investigation, I would have been convicted given the stellar performance she and her pencils put on in that courtroom. And then I would have either been looking at the death penalty or life in Leavenworth.”

“You could have appealed, Harm, if you had been convicted.”

Rabb gritted his teeth to keep from snorting in derision. “Sir, how long do you really think I would have lasted at Leavenworth? I might have decided to ask for the death penalty.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Has the admiral forgotten that Clark Palmer is in Leavenworth? A ‘model prisoner,’ I’m told. One who has all kinds of freedom of movement. The only thing I wondered about was whether he would have had me killed immediately or had me beaten or worse on a regular basis and kept me guessing as to when he would tire of toying with me and kill me. At least the government would have given me a last meal and a painless death.”

“You really believe that?” The admiral got in Rabb’s face as he snarled the question.

“Yes, Sir, I do. The man has tried to kill me before, in case you have forgotten. Please, Admiral, I really need some time to decide what I’m going to do with my future.”

“Excuse me? What is there to decide?”

“I’m debating whether to ask for a transfer or to resign my commission, Sir.” Harm’s face was even bleaker than when he had entered the office.

“WHAT?!” Chegwidden’s eyes almost bugged out of their sockets. Harm could not have astounded him more if he’d suddenly announced a desire to become an exotic dancer. “I trust that I misunderstood what I thought I just heard.”

“No, Sir. You understood. Surely you can see that I don’t belong here any more. My presence makes everyone uncomfortable – including me.”

“I do not see that, Commander. You are undoubtedly imagining things.”

“Respectfully, I disagree. And to be honest, Sir, I really want to get away from here. I’m tired of being ignored by people I once thought were my friends.” He took a deep breath and went on. “This office obviously got along fine without me for a month. And if you truly needed me, you’d have given me at least one decent case since I’ve been back.”

“I thought it would be easier on you to ease back into the routine.” Chegwidden looked at the commander through narrowed eyes. “Mr. Rabb, you aren’t considering...”

Suddenly aware of what his CO was thinking, Harm quickly replied, “No, Sir. Of course not. I wouldn’t do that to my mother and grandmother. I just don’t fit in here any more. I need to move on with my life, but I can’t do it here at JAG.”

“Denied, Commander. You need to stick it out.”

Harm’s shoulders slumped, proper military stance forgotten. “Then that settles it. You’ll have my letter of resignation in fifteen minutes, Admiral. It was a privilege serving under you.” He turned on his heel and strode from the room, ignoring the lack of a dismissal.

As the door closed behind Rabb, the Admiral slammed his hand onto the top of his desk. Damn. He had certainly messed that up.

A few minutes of reflection brought inspiration, however. If Rabb left the Navy, there would be nothing to stop him from taking a vacation, perhaps in Paraguay. It wouldn’t take too many hints to send him flying down there to find the Colonel. If Rabb saved Webb while he was there, well, that would be all right too.

Back in his office, Harm looked around, a lump in his throat threatening to choke him. He had spent almost half his career here at JAG. He was going to going to miss it. Shaking his head to clear it, he reminded himself that he already missed it: it hadn’t been the same since his arrest. The easy camaraderie in the bullpen, the light banter in the break room – it was all gone, relegated to a past that he couldn’t recover. Opening up his word-processing program, he began to type. Tears threatened to blind him as he typed out the words of resignation, but he persevered. The sooner he left, the better. Ten minutes later, Tiner ushered him into the Admiral’s office.

Standing at attention, Harm held out the letter to his commanding officer. “Here it is, Sir. My resignation. If it’s all the same to the admiral, I’d like it to be effective immediately. I can be out of the office in an hour.”

AJ’s mouth twisted as he read the succinct paragraph. He really hated to lose Rabb; even at less than full performance, the man was better than anyone else on staff with the exception, perhaps, of Colonel Mackenzie. “It’s probably for the best,” he said dryly.

Hurt by the comment, the Commander continued to stand at attention, eyes straight ahead. “Will that be all, Sir?”

“No, it won’t. Have a seat, Commander.”

“With all due respect, Sir, I need to pack up my personal belongings and...”

“You need to obey orders. This hasn’t been processed yet,” the Admiral snapped. “Sit down.”

“Aye, aye, Sir.” The younger man lowered himself into his usual leather chair. He was surprised when the admiral got up and walked around the desk and took the other one.

“Harm, I owe you an apology. You were right. I don’t know what you’ve been feeling; I can only guess. And right now, I think you are misinterpreting the actions of those around you. But I can understand why you might do so. The only thing I can tell you is that everyone in this office, from me on down, had explicit orders from the SecNav to distance ourselves from your case. I don’t know that I expect you to believe me, but if you had been convicted, I personally would have pursued your appeal.”

“Thank you, Admiral.” Harm’s tone was carefully neutral. The admiral was right. He wasn’t sure he believed him or not. But it was a moot point. So he continued to stare at the wall.

“I realize that you just made the decision to resign a few minutes ago. I didn’t expect you to.” His eyes searched the younger man’s face, seeing no emotion at all.

“No, Sir. You probably didn’t. I didn’t expect to make the decision that fast. But the admiral left me no choice.” Harm wasn’t about to make it easy on the man.

Chegwidden sighed heavily. “Harm, I couldn’t grant you leave just now. Surely you realize that.”

“No, I don’t. But it doesn’t matter. I have to get away from here, and I’m going to.” The feelings of betrayal by his friends had been steadily growing stronger since his conversation with Chaplain Turner. The nightmares he’d been having since his incarceration had taken a particularly disturbing turn in the past few days, too. Instead of dreaming of being locked away with Palmer, he’d begun seeing Mac in peril, imprisoned, fighting for her life. If she’d been with anyone but Webb, he would have been able to dismiss the dreams as the product of too much stress; but she was on a covert operation with the man. And unfortunately, his covert ops had a way of going south. Harm couldn’t shake the feeling that he needed to find her.

“Harm?” AJ’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “You still with me?”

A ghost of his former smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Not for long, Sir.”

“I was suggesting that you might find South America a nice place to visit this time of year.”

Startled, the commander turned to look Chegwidden in the eye for the first time all day. His gaze steely, he ground out, “Any particular reason, Admiral? And please don’t insult my intelligence.”

“I was thinking that you might want to check out the local scenery in Paraguay – Ciudad del Este to be exact.” AJ’s eyes bored into the commander’s. “There are rumors that a few old friends of yours are down there. Unfortunately, there are other rumors that they have run into a bit of trouble and might need help extricating themselves.” He paused to let the information sink in.

“Are they there on business?”

The admiral nodded.

“So why doesn’t their ‘company’ help them out?” Rabb asked, suspicious of where the admiral was heading.

“Harm, you of all people should know how that works. I don’t recall the company helping a certain lieutenant commander who happened to find himself in a Chinese jail, do you?”

Deciding the question was rhetorical, Harm asked, “You said ‘a few friends’ of mine are in Paraguay. Not just Mac and Webb?”

“No, apparently the gunny is there too.”

“Are you encouraging me to just take off and run down to Paraguay and see if I can find them?”

“Well, it would seem to be the best solution to the current problem. I know how you feel about Mac, Harm. Don’t try to tell me that wasn’t your immediate thought when you heard she might be in trouble.”

He shrugged. “All right. I won’t tell you that. It was. So what else do I need to know that you can’t tell me?”

“I learned today that they missed their last two check-ins. So they probably ran into trouble night before last. As to what, exactly they were doing, I honestly don’t know.”

“Geez. Can it get any worse?”

“Yes. You can’t take a weapon with you. You’d never get it on the plane. So anything you think you’ll need, you’ll have to acquire once you get to Paraguay.

Harm blew out an angry breath. “I can see me now, trying to buy a gun in Paraguay when I don’t even speak Spanish.”

“So get a phrase book.” The admiral grinned smugly.

“I’ll be on the first flight I can get, Sir.” Harm rose from the chair and faced the admiral. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Dismissed.”

Harm turned on his heels and left the office to pack up his few personal belongings and to write one last letter.

“Admiral? Could I ask one last favor, please?” Harm sounded tentative as he stood in the doorway. “Tiner wasn’t here, Sir.”

“Come in, Commander.”

Holding out an envelope, he asked, “If something happens, could you please see that my mother gets this?”

“Of course.” AJ took the envelope and placed it on his desk. “But I don’t expect to do so.”

“Yes, Sir.” Harm snapped to attention and saluted the admiral for the last time.

“Find her and bring her back, Commander.”

“Aye, aye, Sir.” He turned to leave.

“And do the same for yourself, as well.”

Harm nodded briefly in acknowledgment of the comment and strode from the room. Two minutes later he was in the elevator, the box containing his model planes and pictures in his hands. He leaned his head against the elevator wall and sighed heavily. How on earth was he going to find Mac? And if he didn’t find her, was there really any point in finding himself?

********************
Chapter 3
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00:25 Zulu
Dulles International Airport

Harm perched on a stool in the expresso shop, staring alternately between the contents of his cup and the television in the corner. A baseball game from somewhere, Baltimore perhaps, was flickering on the screen. All in all, his coffee was more intriguing. He was mentally reviewing all the things he needed to do once he arrived in Ciudad del Este when a shadow fell over the table. Looking up, Harm saw the smug face of a man he had hoped to never see again.

“Commander Rabb. How interesting to see you.” NCIS Agent Gibbs’s smile was friendly. He pulled out a chair and straddled it.

Harm’s fingers tightened on the coffee cup as he nodded at the other man. “Gibbs. Just go away.” He returned his attention to his coffee.

“Why?”

“Look, you ruined my life. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t ruin my vacation as well.”

“Hey, I thought you ‘owed me a debt of gratitude.’“

“Yeah, I said that, but then I got to thinking. If you hadn’t screwed up the investigation in the first place, making rookie mistakes, I wouldn’t have been charged, and you wouldn’t have had to re-open the investigation.” He lifted the cup to his lips. “I didn’t do that badly on the first investigation I ever conducted. I told the Admiral JAG should have been in charge of the investigation from the beginning. Guess I was right.”

“Hey, it all turned out all right in the end. So what’s the problem?”

“If you honestly believe that, then you have confirmed every low opinion I ever had about NCIS investigators. Now, if you don’t mind, I have a wall to look at until it’s time to board my plane.” Harm turned his head away from the television screen, deliberately ignoring the other man.

*****************
16:00 Zulu
Iguazu, Brazil

The nagging feeling of dread that had kept him awake through most of the trip had only gotten stronger the closer he got to Paraguay. Mac was in serious trouble; he could feel it. As Harm dropped his suitcase on the floor of his hotel room, he eyed the bed with longing. It had been over twenty-four hours since his odyssey had begun. A few hours of sleep were in order before he tried to find a weapon and make his way across the border into Paraguay. Flopping onto the bed, he threw an arm across his eyes. Perhaps he could get a little rest before the nightmares returned to haunt him.

*****************
19:00 Zulu

“Mac! No!” Harm sat bolt upright in bed, shaking from the nightmare image that had awakened him. Taking a deep breath, he sensed he was no longer alone in the shadowed room. He blinked to help focus his eyes and peered into the corners.

“Commander! Are you all right?” Gunnery Sergeant Galindez whispered from the corner behind Harm’s head.

“Gunny?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“How the hell did you find me? And how the hell did you get into my room?” Harm’s eyes narrowed. “And what the hell are you doing here in the first place?”

“Long story, Sir, which I’ll be happy to tell you later.”

It was good to hear the gunny’s dry comment. At least one person he knew didn’t treat him any differently. “You can drop the commander, Gunny. I’m no longer in the Navy.” Harm swung his legs over the side of the bed.

“Excuse me, Sir. I thought you said you weren’t in the Navy.” Galindez was shocked.

“That’s right, Gunny. Like yours, it’s a long story that can wait.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You haven’t answered my questions, Gunny.”

“Right. I found you because I followed you from the airport.”

“Hell.”

“Yeah, you should have been more careful. It’s all right though. No one else followed. I got in your room because I have skills. And the short version of what I’m doing here is that the Colonel told me to be on the lookout for you.”

“She didn’t know I was coming down here.” Harm shook his head to clear it. He was certain that the only people who knew he had booked a flight for Brazil were his travel agent and the Admiral.

“I think it was one of her psychic experiences, Sir. Right before I escaped, she told me to meet you here. That she knew you were on your way.” The sergeant shrugged. “I’ve learned not to argue with the Colonel over the years.”

“Maybe I should have learned that,” Harm muttered.

“I couldn’t say, Sir.”

“Thought I told you to drop that.”

“Yes, Sir. You did. But until I know the reason why, it’s easier not to.”

Harm rubbed his hands over his face, wiping the sleep from his eyes. “I’m assuming that you know what’s gone down with the Colonel.”

“Yes, Sir. And Mr. Webb.” Gunny’s expression said it all. If Webb was using anyone from the JAG staff on a mission, it was bound to go straight down the tubes. “They were betrayed by their driver. Turned out he was a double agent, also working with Raul Garcia, the guy Webb was giving the chip upgrades to for the Stinger missiles in exchange for diamonds.”

“Does Webb work with anyone who *isn’t* a double agent?” Harm groused.

“Apparently only us, Sir.”

Harm had to grin at that comment.

“Any way, they met Garcia to make the exchange, the driver betrayed them, they got captured, I found out some interesting uses for jumper cables, and Mac got away.”

“So what’s the problem? Because I know there is one. I’ve had a feeling for days that she was in big trouble.” Harm leaned forward as he spoke.

“The problem is, she’s spent too much time around you and the Admiral, sir. She couldn’t leave Webb in their hands. Plus, there was the small matter of the missiles.”

“Don’t tell me she went back to save his sorry six.”

“No, Sir. We went back.” Gunny paused for breath. “And we would have been all right, if not for that stupid pregnancy suit she was wearing.”

“Oh, god.”

“Yeah, she couldn’t run too well in it, and even though we managed to take out most of Garcia’s men, one of them caught her.”

“So this Garcia now has Mac and Webb?”

“And the missiles. Which is the main reason any of us are down here.”

“Speak for yourself. I’m here to get Mac. Plain and simple.”

Gunny gave the other man a hard look through narrowed eyes. “Just the Colonel?”

Harm nodded.

“What about Webb? I thought he was your friend.”

“I don’t have any friends, Sergeant. That fact has recently been made abundantly clear. If I bother to rescue Webb, it will be out of some no doubt misguided sense of debt for times he’s helped me or my brother.”

The Commander’s bitter tone worried Galindez. “What about your duty as an officer?”

“I told you. I’m not an officer. I have no duty.” Harm’s shoulders slumped. This was much harder than he’d expected it would be. A lifetime of serving his country couldn’t be shrugged off in a day. “So, Gunny, do you have a plan? And more important, do you have an extra weapon?”

The marine nodded. “Yeah, weapons aren’t a problem. The main problem is that it’s pretty much you and me until we get them out of the building where they are being held.”

Harm raised an eyebrow. “And then what?”

“And then I can get a Marine team to come extract all of us. But first things first. We have to get Webb and the Colonel and destroy the missiles.”

“Are you sure they’re all there?”

Gunny shrugged. “They were yesterday. And the gun runners haven’t had time to move ‘em.” He grinned. “The colonel messed their plans up real good with a couple of well-placed grenades.”

Harm reached for his shoes. “All right, Victor. So what’s the plan?”

*****************
19:00 Zulu
Outskirts of Ciudad del Este
Garcia’s compound
*****************

“Relax, Clay. Harm should be here soon.” Colonel Sarah Mackenzie looked across the room at the battered face of her erstwhile “husband.”

“I wish I shared your confidence, Mac.” Webb glanced in pained frustration at the barred window. “But since he doesn’t even know where we are, much less that we’re being held hostage, I don’t see him bursting through that door any time soon.”

Mac rolled her eyes. “Clay, Gunny got away. He’ll get word to Harm.” She shrugged as much as her bound arms would allow. “Besides, I told him we were coming to Paraguay.”

“You did what?! When did you do that?”

“When I went to see him the night we left.”

“What the heck did you do that for? Hate to break it to you, but telling your friends you’re going under cover isn’t exactly standard operating procedure.”

“I needed to see if he was okay after all he’s been through in the last month, all right?”

Clay’s interest was piqued. “Just what has Rabb been through? I’ve been a little out of touch down here in South America.”

“He was falsely accused of murdering Lt. Singer.”

“What moron thought he would have done that?”

“Some NCIS agent named Gibbs. Of course, halfway through the trial, the guy decided that he’d made a mistake and reopened the investigation.”

“Whoa. It went that far?”

“Yes. And once they started digging, they found that it was actually Commander Lindsey who had killed her.”

Clay pursed his lips. “So how did Harm do while he was on administrative leave?”

“He wasn’t. They kept him in the brig. Seems his ‘brig break’ several years ago made them think he was a flight risk.” Her look was pointed.

Clayton Webb winced. “Well, was he okay when you visited him in the brig?”

She shook her head sadly. “We weren’t allowed to see him. Orders came from the top to keep our distance – no contact between the JAG staff and Harm at all.”

Astonished, Clay pressed on. “And you actually obeyed those orders? Mac, I’m disappointed in you.”

“No, I didn’t. Well, actually, I tried to disobey them. But the guards wouldn’t let me in.”

“Does Harm know that?”

“Know that I tried to see him?” Her eyes widened in shock. “Surely they told him I was there.”

“I wouldn’t bet on that. The guy probably thinks that all his friends deserted him.”

“Oh, god. I hope not.” But judging from Harm’s odd demeanor when she’d gone to his apartment, Webb might be right.

Clay’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “So what did Rabb say when you asked if he was all right?”

“He didn’t answer.” Mac felt ill. “He turned to set down his guitar, and ...”

“You changed the subject? Geez, Mac. Haven’t you figured out by now that Harm needs time to process questions about his feelings?”

Mac’s voice was tight as she asked, “What are you trying to say, Webb?”

“That if you want an answer from Harm on a personal question, you better be prepared to wait for at least five minutes, maybe ten, for an answer. Otherwise, he just shuts down completely.”

She stared at Webb, appalled at what he was implying. “You mean...”

“That deer-in-the-headlights look he gets – it’s not that he doesn’t want to answer. He doesn’t know what to say. You need to give him time to think about it.” Webb shook his head.

“I don’t believe that. Harm thinks faster on his feet than anyone I know.”

“In the courtroom or the cockpit, maybe. In his own life – never.” Webb shifted, trying to find a more comfortable position. “You’ve worked with him for seven years now. I would think you’d know him better than you seem to.”

“I do. He’s my best friend, Clay.”

“I bet I could tell you all sorts of things you don’t know about him, Mac,” Webb said gently.

“Like what?” Mac glared at him.

“Like the fact that he doesn’t know you’re in love with him.”

“What?!”

“Mac, everyone except Harm knows that.” Clay smiled smugly. “But hey, I’m fair. I’ll tell you a secret about him.”

“Which is?”

“He’s in love with you.”

“That’ll be the day. He thinks of me as a friend, a sister.”

Clay snorted derisively. “Right. And Raul Garcia is a boy scout.”

Mac’s eyes narrowed. “If he’s in love with me, then why hasn’t he ever even asked me out on a date?”

“C’mon, Mac. You know the reason.”

“The regs against fraternization?”

He shook his head. “No, until you want to get married, that’s not a problem.”

“Then why?”

“You honestly can’t figure it out?”

“I always thought he had commitment phobia.”

“Wrong. If it was just him, he would have committed to you years ago. It’s something else.” Clay smiled wryly. “You really don’t know?”

“No, I don’t. If it’s not a fear of commitment, and it’s not that he doesn’t see me as a woman, then what is it, oh Mr. Know-All?”

“Well, I’m no shrink; but I’d say it’s a textbook case of abandonment issues.”

“You lost me there, Clay.” Mac’s lips twisted. “You think that the cockiest man to ever wear a uniform is afraid of me breaking up with him?”

“Yes. Think about it, Mac. Everyone that he has ever been emotionally close to has left him. Why should you be any different?”

A sob caught in her throat. She swallowed hard before replying. “Maybe because I love him?”

“His father loved him. His mother loved him. Diane loved him. In their own ways, Annie, Jordan, and Renee loved him.”

“And except for his mother, they all abandoned him,” she whispered.

Clay gave her a sympathetic glance. “No, his mother did too, in her own way.”

“You mean by remarrying?”

He nodded. “Especially since his father was still listed as MIA. She had to have him declared dead. Think what that must have done to him and his trust in women, Mac.”

Her shoulders sagged in dejection. “Oh, lord. What am I going to do?”

“And to think I said Rabb was oblivious. I owe the man an apology. You’re going to talk to him...and give him time to talk to you.” Webb glanced back up at the window. “Sun’s going down, Mac. If you really think the cavalry is on its way, we better try to get some rest before they get here.” He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the aches and pains from the last beating.

“Yeah.” Mac lowered her eyelids. If Harm did come and rescue them, she was going to have a whole lot of explaining to do.

********************
Chapter 4
********************
20:30 Zulu
Ridge near Raul Garcia’s compound

“I see four guards on the outside of the house,” Harm whispered. He peered through his night-vision binoculars once more. “They don’t look like they’re expecting anyone.” He shifted his position to scan the rest of the property.

“They probably aren’t. They have the Colonel and Webb. And I’m pretty sure they think I got killed.”

“Where do you suppose they’re holding them?”

“In the house. They were in a room in the corner on the front. That’s Garcia in the living room to the left of the front door.”

Harm scanned the area. “What about the missiles, Gunny?”

“See that white truck off to the side of the barn? They’re in it.” Gunny pointed to a truck about a hundred yards from the house. “Looks like a couple of guys are guarding the truck.”

Harm frowned. “So which do you want to go after first? The truck or the house?”

“The guards on the truck. We don’t need them coming to help their buddies at the house. Then we take out the guys at the house.”

“All right. On three.”

The Marine nodded. “Remember, Sir, no noise.”

“Aye, aye.”

Sixty seconds later, the two guards were lying unconscious on the ground, their wrists and ankles bound.

“Sir, let’s circle around to the back of the house and get the two guys there first.”

“Got it. Do we care if Garcia is dead or alive, Gunny?”

“Not really, Sir. He’s a major drug dealer. No one’s gonna miss him.”

A couple of blows to the head with the butts of their guns took care of Garcia’s men. Pistols drawn, Harm and Gunny slowly opened the door to the house. Sidling inside, Harm saw Garcia in the living room. The man reached for a gun as the two Americans entered the room.

“Drop it right there!” Harm ordered.

As Garcia aimed straight at Rabb’s head, Gunny fired. The drug dealer’s eyes widened in shock as the round slammed into his chest.. He was dead before he hit the floor.

“Thanks, Gunny.” Harm retreated from the room, checking to see that they were alone.

“This way, Sir.” Gunny jerked his head toward a hallway with several closed doors. “It’s the door at the end on the right.”

Harm raced down the hallway, only to find the door locked. A quick kick forced it open.

Mac smiled bravely at him. “I told Webb you’d be here soon,” she said. “It’s awfully good to see you, Harm.”

He made his way to her, fumbling for the knife in his boot. “Sorry it took so long.” Glancing across the room, he saw Gunny freeing Webb. “Is he all right?”

“Kind of beat up, but I think he’ll live.”

Harm smiled. “That’s good.” He helped her to stand. “You okay, Marine?”

“I’m fine, Harm. Can we get out of here?” She looked around the room.

“Lose something, Mac?”

“Yes, my purse.”

“Oh, for god’s sake.” Harm rolled his eyes. Seeing it on a table he grabbed it and tossed it to her. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

They followed Gunny and Webb from the room and out to the barn. “So what now?” Harm asked.

“I call in the Marines, and we take care of those Stingers.” Gunny pulled a radio from his pocket and spoke into it. “All right. There should be a helo here in about fifteen minutes. In the meantime, Webb, what about the truck?”

“Blow it up,” Webb groaned. “Wait till the helo gets here. We can set it off as we leave. No sense drawing any more attention to ourselves than we already have.”

*****************
01:30 Zulu
USS Patrick Henry
off the coast of South America

She found him leaning over the railing of the weather deck. With his face shadowed by the bill of his cap, she could almost pretend that he didn’t look as if he’d aged five years in the past five weeks. But Mac wasn’t going to lie to herself. Harm looked like he’d been through his own personal hell – a hell that she had yet to hear about. Knowing Harm, she never would learn all the details. His face was shuttered; his eyes bleak. She joined him at the rail and spoke. “We need to talk, Harm.”

His eyes fixed on the horizon, he shrugged. “Do we?”

“How can you even ask? Of course we need to talk.”

His voice was weary. “Mac, what’s the point? Every time either one of us has tried to initiate this conversation, the other one has managed either to run away or to drive yet another wedge between us. I don’t really think I could handle either of those at the moment.”

“Why not?”

“Why can’t I handle it? Because I can’t, okay? Contrary to popular belief, I do have emotions; and right now they are pretty ragged.”

“So talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.” Her voice was gentle and sympathetic. “I’m your best friend, remember?”

He snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Forget it, Mac. It doesn’t really matter.”

She laid a hand on his arm. “Harm, it matters a lot. You don’t think I’m your best friend?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what I think anymore. All I know is that not one person came to visit the whole time I was in that damn cell. I didn’t get a single piece of mail. What would that tell you?”

“That there must be a good reason – like orders from the SecNav to stay away. To say nothing of the demand by the defense attorney to keep out of it.”

He turned to face her. “Are you telling me that you let orders stop you? Because you know damn well they wouldn’t have stopped me if it had been you in the brig.”

“I know, Harm. It wasn’t the orders that stopped me from visiting you. It was the Marine guards at the door.” She blinked back a tear. “And I did write to you. But after the second letter came back marked ‘return to sender,’ the admiral called me into his office and chewed me out for attempting to contact you. It seems that those two lawyers they brought in for your case had demanded that you be isolated.” She shook her head in confusion. “I still haven’t figured it out. I mean, I can understand how the SecNav wanted to have strangers for both prosecution and defense in order to avoid the appearance of impropriety or favoritism. What I don’t understand is why you weren’t allowed any moral support at all.”

“Well, Bud was a prosecution witness, so he could hardly have come to see me.”

“True, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t called as a witness for either side. So there should have been no reason to keep me away.” She took a deep breath. “And it killed me to know how much it must have hurt you, thinking you had been deserted by all your friends. But after that conversation with the admiral, there wasn’t anything I could do. I’m sorry. I know that probably doesn’t help much, but I am.”

“Thanks, Mac. That does help a little.” He turned back to look out to sea.

She squeezed his arm gently. “But now that you’re back at JAG, things are all right, aren’t they?”

“I’m not.” His voice was tight.

“Not all right?”

“Not back at JAG. I tried, but it just wasn’t working. I resigned my commission the day before I left for Brazil.”

“You did what?” she gasped. “Why on earth?”

“It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Harmon Rabb...’’

“I asked for some leave so I could sort things out. The admiral refused. So I resigned. No big deal.” His tone belied the casualness of his words.

“Uh huh. What did you need to sort out?” She prodded him.

“My future. I was thinking of asking for a transfer; and if he had given me leave, I think that is what I would have ultimately decided. But he denied my request.” He hunched a shoulder. “So I resigned.”

“But why, Harm? I don’t understand. You were exonerated. You’d gone back to work. Why ask for a transfer or resign?”

He sighed in remembered frustration. “Do you remember how awkward it was when I first returned from flying? How out of the loop I was? How difficult it was for me to fit back in?”

She nodded. “Yeah. What does that have to do with now? You were gone for six months that time. Half the staff had rotated in and out by the time you returned.”

“Well, I thought it wouldn’t matter, either. But apparently five weeks is long enough to no longer belong.”

“I find that hard to believe, Harm.” Mac’s gaze was troubled. “Most of your friends are at JAG. You love your job. How could you feel like you don’t belong any more?

“Maybe you had to be there. All I know is people weren’t talking to me, the admiral gave me cases that would normally go to a lieutenant j.g., and I felt invisible.” He took a deep breath. “I couldn’t shake the feeling that everyone thought I really was capable of murder. And given the way I was ignored during the investigation and the trial, it wasn’t too hard to figure out that my ‘friends’...weren’t.”

Mac swallowed the lump that rose in her throat. He sounded so matter of fact. If he had been whining, she could have dealt with it better than with this bleak resignation. “Harm...”

His knuckles whitened on the railing. “Mac, don’t worry about it. You weren’t there. You had no way to know.”

“But I was. At least the first day.”

“And you came to visit that night to see if I was all right.”

“And didn’t even give you a chance to answer. I’m so sorry.”

“Mac, it’s all right. You had other things on your mind.”

She frowned. “That doesn’t make it right. I should have listened to you. Especially since you turned out to be right.”

Harm faced her again. “Mac, that doesn’t matter. I didn’t want to be right. I wanted you to be safe.”

“Oh, Harm.” She gazed up into his eyes. “You saved us, you know.”

“I had to.” He looked off into the distance again.

As the silence lengthened, Mac forced herself to remember what Webb had said about getting Harm to talk about his feelings. If he needed time to think, well, this time she’d give it to him.

“I love you, you know.” He leaned farther over the railing. “I’m not sure when I first realized it, but it was so long ago that I don’t remember when I didn’t love you.”

She looked up at his shadowed face. His expression was somber, not exactly how she had envisioned him looking if he ever said the words. “Why, Harm?”

“Why what?”

“Why now? Why not four years ago?”

He closed his eyes. “I don’t know if I can explain. You said that my interest goes away whenever you are in a position to return it. That’s not true, Mac, although I can see why you might believe it is.”

“Then what is it?” she pleaded.

“Mac, look, it’s complicated.

“You told me once that you wanted to never lose me. So why do you back away?”

“I’m afraid, all right?”

The words hung in the evening air. Mac wasn’t sure she had heard right. Harmon Rabb, Jr. was afraid? Of what? She slanted a look up at his profile and caught the expression in his eye. Webb’s words came back to her. “...I’d say it’s a textbook case of abandonment issues.” She squared her shoulders. “Afraid that if we got together, I’d break up with you?”

“Something like that.” One hand came up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “I have to face the facts, Mac. I’ve screwed up pretty much everything else in my life. There’s no reason to think I wouldn’t screw up a relationship with you, too.” His voice almost a whisper, he went on, “And if I did, I think it would kill me.” He swallowed hard. “It was just easier to be your friend. If I didn’t try to be more, then I wouldn’t lose your friendship. If we tried to make it work, and I blew it, then I’d have nothing. I wasn’t willing to risk that.”

A lone tear rolled down her cheek. “Oh, Harm. I love you, too. How can you believe that I would ever leave you?”

“Everyone else has.” He shrugged. “It’s all right, Mac. I told you we shouldn’t have this conversation right now. I’m probably not making any sense at all.”

“I disagree. I think that we’ve gotten more out in the open than we ever have.” She turned and leaned back against the railing. Looking up at his shuttered face, she sighed. Something told her if she didn’t reach him tonight, she might never do so. “Harm, look at me, please.”

He opened his eyes, pain evident in the deep, sea-green pools.

“Listen to me. I love you. You say you love me. The rest is all details.”

“Is it?” He looked down at her. “You honestly think that love is enough?”

“It’s always been enough for us, Harm, even when neither one of us was willing to admit it to ourselves, let alone to each other.” She smiled tremulously at him. “Why do you think we’ve always been unable to commit to someone else? Whatever bonds us together is so strong that nothing and no one can tear it apart.” She reached a hand up to caress his cheek. “So, what do you say?”

“I don’t know what to say, Mac. I’ve never wanted anything so much as I’ve wanted to be with you. But I’m still afraid.”

“I promise, I won’t leave you. Now can you please let go?”

His tone was startled as he replied, “I guess I have.” He turned to face her completely and ran his hands up her arms. “Sarah, I love you. And I want to be with you, and not just as a friend. Are you willing to give it a try?”

“Yes, Harm.” She reached up and pulled down his face to kiss him.

His arms snaked around her waist, pulling her closer. His lips moved over hers as he drank in her love. “Oh, god, Sarah. What you do to me,” he groaned as they broke for air.

She grinned at him. “Same here, flyboy.” Looking around the weather deck, she shook her head. “Too bad we can’t do anything about it right now.”

“Why not? I’m not in the Navy. The regs no longer apply.” He flashed her a heart-stopping smile.

“They still apply to me. Besides, that is something else we need to talk about.”

“Probably so, but not tonight, okay?”

She nodded in agreement. “Yeah. Tonight we need to get some sleep. Tomorrow will be time enough to convince the Admiral that he can’t do without you.”

“That’ll be the day. I don’t know though. I mean, what about everyone else?”

“Harm, is it possible that you were being a little paranoid? I mean, you’d been through a terrible ordeal. But you’ve always been so strong. I honestly think that people just assumed that you were fine. It’s not like you ever admit to people that you are hurting.”

He considered her words. “Maybe. I honestly don’t know.” He pulled her back for another long kiss. The next time they broke apart, he murmured, “You know, we really should go below.”

“I know. Just promise me that you won’t disappear on me.”

“I promise.” He nodded toward the hatch. “Let’s go to bed, Mac. We’re both exhausted.”

“All right.” She hugged him tightly and then stepped back. “Remember, Harm, together we’re an unbeatable team.”

“I know.” He smiled gently and opened the hatch and followed her through. Tomorrow was another day. And with her on his side, it would be a better one.

********************
Chapter 5
********************
03:30 Zulu
USS Patrick Henry

Alone in her stateroom, Mac picked up the telephone and asked to be patched through to a land line to the US. Once connected, she dialed Admiral Chegwidden’s number.

He answered on the first ring. “Chegwidden.” It had been over two days since he had heard from anyone about the fate of his people. While he hadn’t expected Harm to contact him, he had expected to hear from Colonel Mackenzie as soon as Harm had found her.

“Admiral,” she began.

“Good to hear your voice, Colonel.” The Admiral’s relief almost left him shaking. “I was beginning to be a little concerned.”

“So was I.” She smiled wryly. “Good thing the cavalry appeared.”

“I take it Rabb found you and Webb?”

“He did and Gunny did. We’re free, the missiles are destroyed, the drug dealer is dead, and we’re on the Patrick Henry till the morning COD leaves.”

“How are you?”

“Webb’s a little the worse for wear. He has a couple of broken fingers, some cracked ribs, and so many bruises he looks like a Smurf.” She could hear her CO snort. “Gunny is all right. There’s nothing wrong with me that a nice hot bath won’t cure.”

“What about Harm?” AJ hadn’t failed to notice that she had not mentioned him in her recital.

“Physically, he’s fine. I don’t think he got a scratch.”

“Do I hear a ‘but’ in there, Colonel?”

“Yes, Sir. He seems somewhat...” She trailed off, unsure what she wanted to say.

“Depressed?”

“Um, maybe. Certainly down.”

“What’s your take on what his problem is, Colonel?”

“Sir, I think he feels betrayed by all his friends. When no one visited him while he was in the brig, he came to the conclusion that everyone thought he was guilty. He’s hurt, and I can’t say that I blame him. You know that if it had been one of us, he would have been looking under every stone for evidence to find Lt. Singer’s killer.”

Chegwidden sighed heavily. “I know. Did you have any more luck than I did explaining to him about the orders we received?”

“Maybe. But there is still the issue about his return to duty and the cavalier way people treated him when he came back.”

“So what do you suggest?” AJ rubbed a hand over his head. “It’s detrimental to the good order and discipline of the unit if he’s not happy.”

“I believe that he resigned his commission, Sir. So wouldn’t his happiness around JAG be a moot point?”

“Only if I actually process the papers, Mac.”

She laughed. “There are times when you are very devious, Sir.”

“Not I. We still have the problem of getting him back in here and getting him to stay.”

Mac swallowed. “Sir, if I may speak freely?”

“Go ahead.”

“Perhaps you could talk to a few of his friends before we get back to Washington. Let them know how he reacted to the whole experience...encourage them to be a bit warmer in their welcome, pay him a little more attention?”

“All right. And you do what you can on your end, Colonel.”

“Aye, aye, Sir.”

“Colonel, when does your plane get into Andrews?”

“I think about 17:00. Why?”

“I thought I’d offer to pick you up. And anyone else who needs a ride.” He chuckled softly.

“You mean Harm? I’m sure he will. His car is either at Dulles or at his apartment.”

“It would give me a chance to talk to him away from the office.”

The Admiral had a point. Harm might be more amenable to reason if he were on neutral territory. And the sight of all those fighter jets at Andrews might be enough of a temptation that he would give the Navy one more chance. “Fine, Admiral. We’d appreciate a lift.”

“See you then, Colonel. Glad to hear that everyone made it out in one piece.” The Admiral cut the connection, a pensive look on his face.

***************
Next day
13:00 Zulu
JAG Headquarters

Lieutenant Harriet Simms squared her shoulders and marched into the Admiral’s outer office. “Tiner, I need to see the Admiral.”

“Yes, Ma’am. I’ll see if he’s free.” The yeoman buzzed the inner office. “Lieutenant Simms to see you, Sir.”

“Send her in,” the Admiral barked.

Tiner opened the door and ushered Harriet in. She stood at attention, her gaze on the wall behind the Admiral’s desk. Taking a deep breath, she asked, “May the lieutenant ask the Admiral a question?”

“At ease, Lieutenant.”

Standing at parade rest, she continued, “Sir, it has come to my attention that Commander Rabb has been gone for the last four days. And his personal belongings are missing from his office.”

The CO raised an eyebrow. “And ... ?”

“Sir, what is going on? Bud and I tried to call him last night and got his machine. His cell phone is going to voice mail.” She furrowed her brow as she frowned. “I’m worried about him, Sir. Has he gone and done something stupid?”

“Define ‘stupid,’ Lieutenant. Then I may be able to answer that question.” A slight grin creased the Admiral’s face for the first time in days.

“I’m not sure, Admiral. I just know that something doesn’t feel right. I can’t imagine Commander Rabb going on leave without telling anyone or saying good-bye. And why take his pictures and his plane models?”

AJ breathed a sigh of relief. Harriet had unknowingly given him the opening he needed to talk to the staff. “Lieutenant, if you really want to know, the Commander is considering resigning his commission. He’s taking some time off to think about it.”

Startled, she gasped, “But, Sir, why on earth...”

“Would Commander Rabb do that?”

She nodded silently.

“I believe it has to do with the situation surrounding Lt. Singer’s death.”

She looked at him, perplexed. “Sir?”

“Lieutenant, apparently the Commander feels, ah, somewhat let down by the way he was treated both during and after the investigation and trial.” He paused a moment to let the comment sink in. “Somehow he seems to have received the impression that his friends and co-workers believed he might have been guilty. And the lack of contact with anyone from this office, even though it was because of orders, reinforced that idea in his mind.”

Harriet’s eyes widened in horror. “Admiral, Sir, are you saying that he thinks we deserted him?”

The Admiral’s face conveyed his agreement.

“Oh, no. When he came back to work, we all just acted like it was no big deal – like he’d been on vacation or something.” She looked like she might tear up. “No wonder he looked so lost last week.” She drew herself back up to attention. “Sir, what can we do?”

He looked toward the ceiling for inspiration. Coming to a decision, he pushed the intercom button. “Tiner, tell Commander Turner and Lt. Roberts to get in here.”

“Aye, aye, Sir.”

Thirty seconds later the two officers were in the office.

“Commander Turner and Lt. Roberts reporting as ordered, Sir.”

“At ease, gentlemen.”

Relaxing their stance, the officers waited for him to speak.

“Perhaps you may have noticed Commander Rabb’s absence the last few days.” At their nods, he continued. “I have just explained to Lt. Simms that he has been contemplating leaving the Navy. It seems he believes that his presence is unwanted and unneeded here.”

Sturgis Turner’s eyes almost popped from their sockets. “Harm leave the Navy? It would never happen, Sir.”

“On the contrary, Mr. Turner. He has already written a rough draft of a letter of resignation.”

Bud almost choked at the Admiral’s words. “But, Sir, he loves the Navy. It’s his whole life! This doesn’t make any sense.”

“Apparently Mr. Rabb feels that the Navy has fallen short of his ideals in recent weeks.” AJ’s tone was dry. “His recent imprisonment for a crime he did not commit, and the subsequent isolation because of that, have caused him to rethink his situation.” He stared pointedly at the three officers in front of him.

“With all due respect, Sir, Harm seemed fine to me the day he came back to JAG. I asked him how he was, and he said he was ‘moving forward.’ I told him that was good, and then he asked me something else.” Sturgis cringed as he recalled that conversation. Harm’s tone had been odd, as if he were saying what he thought he was expected to say. His walls had been up and firmly in place. “Damn him,” he muttered.

“He’s always been so strong. Nothing ever seems to faze him.” As Bud said the words, he knew he was wrong. He could see Harm’s face when he learned of Tess McKee’s death, when he returned from Russia, when he saw Brumby’s ring on the Colonel’s hand. Many things affected his friend, but Harm kept it all inside. This last situation must have been one time too many.

“I see you understand the problem. The Commander needs to feel supported by his friends. While we were under orders during the trial, we are no longer required to distance ourselves. The trial and those orders are behind us. What is not behind us is the damage that was done. If he returns to JAG, I expect the three of you to do a lot more to reach out to him. If I noticed that none of you were inviting him to join you for lunch or coffee, I am sure that he noticed as well. I am not suggesting you go overboard, just that you do your best to return to the routines you had before his arrest. Understood?” He glared at his people.

Snapping to attention, the trio chorused, “Aye, aye, Sir.”

“That will be all. Dismissed.”

He watched them leave the office. Now all he had to do was convince Rabb to return to duty.

*************
13:00 Zulu
USS Patrick Henry
Officers’ Wardroom

Harm was staring pensively into his coffee cup when Mac walked into room. After getting some breakfast for herself, she made her way over to his table.

“Hi, Sailor.” She smiled tenderly at him. “May I join you?”

“Of course.” He looked up at her, his eyes shadowed and bruised-looking. “What’s up?”

“We leave on the COD at 10:00. We should land at Andrews around 17:00.” She paused, wondering if she should tell him that the Admiral was planning to meet them there.

“So who’s going to be there that you aren’t sure you want to tell me about?” He looked across the table into her eyes.

“You know me too well.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

She shook her head. “Not really.” Taking a deep breath, she broke the news. “The Admiral is going to meet the plane. I think he wants to talk to you on neutral ground.”

“An Air Force base is neutral? Or were you thinking of his car?” He had to grin at her expression.

“I see your point. At least it’s not JAG ops.”

“True. I guess it could be worse.” He ran a finger around the lip of his cup. “You know, Mac, I have no clue what to say to him.”

She reached across the table and laid a hand on his. “I think you should reconsider your resignation, Harm.”

He stared down at their hands. “Why? If we’re going to pursue a relationship, then one of us is ultimately going to have to leave JAG anyway. Why not just leave things as they are right now?”

Mac chewed on her bottom lip. “Did you just imply that we are going to get married?”

Harm looked sheepish. “Yeah. I mean, we can’t really go halves on that kid if we’re not, you know? It would be too hard on everyone.”

She choked back a laugh, sure he would misunderstand. “You know, Harm, for a gifted lawyer, you sure are inarticulate at times.”

“Only with you, Sarah.” He grinned slightly.

“So I should be flattered?” she echoed a long ago, but not forgotten, conversation.

“Yes, you should.” He smiled tenderly at her. “I’ll try to do better in the future.”

“Is that a promise?” she teased.

His eyes wide, he shook his head. “No, Ma’am. I don’t make promises that I’m not sure I can keep, no matter how much I want to.”

Rolling her eyes, she tried not to laugh. “So was that a proposal?”

“I’d say it’s more of a promise of a proposal to come at some not too distant future moment.”

“All right. You’re on. You did use the word ‘promise.’”

He nodded solemnly. “I did.” He turned her hand over in his. “Okay. Let’s talk about what happens when we get back to Washington. What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to listen to the Admiral, hear what he has to say. I don’t think he wants to lose you.” She looked at him, measuring her words. “I don’t think anyone wants to lose you.”

Harm gave a skeptical snort. “Right. That’s why I was the office pariah the last time I was there.”

“You know my theory. I think you read more into it than anyone meant, Harm. Your problem is that you are the one we all turn to in times of crisis. No one expects you to need help.”

“But what if it’s my crisis?”

“That’s a problem. Part of the problem is that you, my friend, have got the role of ‘strong, silent hero’ down pat. You never tell people when you are hurting, Harm.”

“Mac, I’ve been friends with Sturgis for over twenty years. And what about Bud? Shouldn’t they be able to tell?”

She squeezed his hand. “They aren’t mind readers. Harm, be honest with yourself. Jack Keeter and I are probably the only two people in the entire world who have any idea of some of the doubts you’ve had in your life. You may be friends with Sturgis and Bud, but you don’t ever let them see inside, do you?”

“I guess not.” He took a swig of his now cold coffee. “And if the Admiral does say he didn’t process my papers?”

“I guess you should decide. What else are you going to do?” She glared at him. “The transfer option, as far as I’m concerned, is no longer an option unless it’s in DC.”

He blew out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. “I know. I guess I’ll stay at JAG if the Admiral allows me to.” His “I’m up to no good” grin split his face. “Is it all right if I let him beg me?”

Mac’s laugh rang out. “In your dreams, flyboy. He’s more likely to chew you a new six.”

********************
Chapter 6
********************
13:30 Zulu
USS Patrick Henry

Mac put down her fork. “You finished with that?” She looked pointedly at the coffee cup in Harm’s hand.

“Oh. Yeah.”

“Then let’s go get some air.”

Nodding, he followed her from the wardroom. They made their way to the weather deck. Harm rested his arms on the railing and looked out toward the horizon. “I’m sorry, Mac.”

“For what?” She quickly reviewed their earlier conversation but came up with nothing for him to regret.

“For springing my hopes for the future on you like that.” He grinned sheepishly. “Told you I’d screw things up.”

“Harm, you haven’t screwed anything up.” She gazed up at him. His walls were going back up. “But I think we need to discuss that.”

“What’s to discuss? The truth is, I’ve messed up every meaningful relationship I’ve ever had in my life.”

Mac sighed. “I don’t see why you think that. You’re a wonderful person, a fantastic friend, a good son...”

“No, I’m not.” He stared bleakly across the churning sea.

“Sure you are.”

“I don’t know if I can explain this – and undoubtedly you’ll say I should get over it – but there is a part of me that still feels like I’m a complete failure as a son.”

Mac stood beside him, waiting for him to continue. As the silence continued, she finally prodded him. “How is that? You risked your life – twice that I know of – to find your father.”

“Yeah, but I failed. If I’d only known...”

“Known what?”

“To go to Russia instead of Vietnam in ‘79. He was still alive then. I was too late, Mac.”

“If you had known he was in Russia, you couldn’t have done anything, Harm. You were sixteen years old. In 1979 he was still in a Soviet prison. You wouldn’t have found him if you had somehow managed to get into the USSR. Remember – we almost got killed when we did go to Russia. And that was with former KGB people helping us.”

His shoulders sagged. “Maybe. But I’ll never know. And I wasn’t a good son to my mother. On all his letter tapes, my dad told me to take care of her.” He drew in a ragged breath. “I couldn’t even do that right. As soon as she could, she got remarried.” He hurried on. “And don’t tell me that my father wanted her to go on with her life and give me a stepfather. I know that – intellectually. But there is this part of me that couldn’t help but wonder if she married Frank because I wasn’t doing my job.”

“You lost me there.”

“After Dad got shot down, everyone told me that I had to be strong for my mother – be the man of the house. God knows I tried.”

“You were six years old, Harm. You were a little boy.” Her heart ached for him.

“I know...now. And I’ve understood for a long time that Mom’s marriage to Frank has a lot to do with her wanting a loving husband and very little to do with my inadequacies as ‘the man of the house.’ But at the time...”

“It seemed like a betrayal of your father?”

“Yes. And a statement on my inadequacy as a son.” He gave a harsh laugh. “You know what’s really ironic? Frank has every reason to dislike me. I was incredibly obnoxious all through junior high and high school. But he has always been there to support me – no matter how much I disappointed my mother.” He turned to face her, sadness marring his features. “Mac, if you have any sense at all, you’ll run as fast and as far as you can before I hurt you.”

She laid a hand on his arm. “You aren’t going to hurt me.”

“I’ve hurt everyone else.”

“If you’re referring to the various women you’ve dated since I’ve known you, all I can say is I’m not worried.”

“Let me guess – you’re a Marine.”

She smiled at him. “Something like that. Has the thought ever occurred to you that the failure of those relationships wasn’t necessarily your fault?”

He looked taken aback. “Not really. According to all of them, it was completely my fault.”

“Well, they would say that. It’s hard to admit you’re wrong.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Correct me if I’m in error, but did any of them really want all of you?”

“What do you mean?”

“That while there were aspects about being with you they liked, when it came right down to it, none of them really wanted the complete Harmon Rabb, Jr. Annie Pendry hated the naval officer part of you, true? She liked your handyman skills, but the aviator thing gave her fits. And Jordan was the same way. She could handle the JAG lawyer, but not the pilot. As for Renee, well, I think we know what she liked.” She eyed him appraisingly. “I must admit, I like that too.”

“Ma...ac.”<.p>

She smiled up at him tenderly. “If they had had any brains at all, they would have realized that you should be loved for who you are – all of you. And trying to deny part of that is to not love you.”

He stared at her, stunned. “I can remember a time when you weren’t too wild about all of me,” he said gently.

She nodded. “I know. That’s probably one reason why we didn’t work things out back then. I know I told you to let go of your lifeline, but I needed to let go of mine as well.”

“Sarah, what are you saying?”

“That there were some things I needed to come to grips with. Like what I’ve been saying about Annie, et al. That if I love you, that means that I have to accept the things that give me nightmares along with the parts that are the stuff of dreams.”

“And you’ve done that?”

“You know I have. But as I told you before, I would prefer that you tell me about suicide missions after you’ve returned safely.”

He grinned. “I can do that.”

“Good.” She squeezed his arm affectionately. “See that you do.”

Mac jerked her head toward the hatch. “It’s about time to catch that plane.”

“Are you ever going to tell me how you do that?”

She screwed up her face as she considered the question. Then she shook her head. “Nah, you wouldn’t understand.”

“Fine. C’mon. Let’s go round up Gunny and Webb.”

They made their way down to the landing deck.

********************
22:00 Zulu
Andrews Air Force Base
Naval COD approaching a landing

“Are you sure we can’t just call a cab?” Harm asked Mac for the tenth time. “I think I could use a hot meal and a good night’s sleep before dealing with Admiral Chegwidden.

She chuckled. “I’ll bet. But no, we can’t. The man said he’d be here. He’ll be here.”

“At least Webb is here to deflect some of his wrath.”

“How true. Suppose we’ll be allowed to see it?”

He shook his head. “No. The Admiral only chews out more than one person at a time if they committed the same crime.”

“Shoot. I was kind of looking forward to it. After what Clay put us through...”

Harm touched her hand. “Hey, if we hadn’t been in the mess we were in, things might be completely different right now.”

“You’ve got a point.” She smiled sweetly at him. “All right. I’ll forgive him in a month or so.”

“Remind me not to ever make you really mad.”

“Okay.”

The plane came to a shuddering stop on the runway. Disembarking didn’t take them too long since they had no luggage. As the four stepped off the plane, Gunny noticed the Admiral standing by a hangar. “Oh great. Colonel, couldn’t you have warned me?”

“It’ll be fine, Gunny. I don’t think he’s very mad at you.”

“Oh, hell,” Clayton Webb muttered. “It needed only this.”

Harm bit back a laugh. The other two men were only voicing what he had been thinking all day. The expression on the Admiral’s face was forbidding. At least one, if not all of them, was in serious trouble.

“Good to see you. There’s going to be a brief de-briefing here, while everything is still fresh in your minds.” The Admiral’s steely gaze swept across their faces. “I’ve reserved a room in there.” He jerked his head at the terminal building behind him. “So who wants to go first?” Before anyone could volunteer, his eyes lit on the gunnery sergeant. “Gunny, thank you for stepping forward. Come along.”

They followed him into the building. The Admiral led Gunny into a private room. Webb, Mac, and Harm were left standing in the hallway.

“At ease. Gunny, good to see you got out of that mess in one piece.”

“Yes, Sir.” Gunny stood stiffly.

“Anything you want to tell me?”

“Only that if Commander Rabb hadn’t arrived when he did, I think the Colonel and Mr. Webb would probably have come back in body bags, Sir.”

“Really?” The Admiral’s tone was carefully neutral.

“Yes, sir. There were too many guards for me to have dealt with alone. And if we hadn’t gotten them out, the missiles couldn’t have been destroyed without killing them. Permission to speak freely, Sir?”

“Go ahead.”

“I think that Webb was in over his head, Sir. I got the feeling that the company wasn’t completely involved in the operation.”

“I see.” The Admiral stared out a window. “I appreciate your candor. Gunny, I expect to see you at JAG Ops in the morning. In the meantime, Tiner is out front to give you a ride home.”

“Aye, aye, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

“Dismissed.”

The gunnery sergeant saluted sharply and turned on his heel.

“Send in Webb on your way out.”

“Yes, Sir.” Gunny smiled in satisfaction.

As he re-entered the hall, Gunny nodded at Webb. “The Admiral wants to see you, Sir.”

“All right.” Webb turned to Mac. “Think he’ll refrain from breaking my nose this time?”

Harm laughed shortly. “I wouldn’t count on it, Clay. He looked pretty unhappy to me.”

“Great. Well, if he kills me, will you two tell my mother I love her?”

“Of course we will,” Mac replied in a soothing tone.

The CIA operative opened the door to find Chegwidden staring out the window into the twilight. “You wanted to see me, Admiral?”

The ex-Seal whirled around. “Damn right, I want to see you. Just what the hell did you think you were doing down there? You damn near got two, no, make that three, of my people killed. I could have sworn I told you that was to never happen again.”

Webb stood frozen under the onslaught. The Admiral was right. He had almost gotten all of them killed in his quest to get a good enough score to get transferred out of South America. “I’m sorry, AJ. I had no idea that there was a mole down in that office.”

“Bull, Webb. You knew. That’s why you involved my people. You knew you could trust them. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you even set up Rabb, just to get him out of the way temporarily so you could convince the Colonel to help you out.” He took a deep breath, building up more steam. “But even you couldn’t have foreseen how that mess would play out. So I guess you got lucky on that one.”

The agent stood motionless, hoping the Admiral would soon run out of bile.

The Admiral got in his face. “Now you listen to me. DO NOT EVER show your face around JAG Ops again. Not in this lifetime! Is that understood?”

Webb gulped. “Yes, Sir.”

Chegwidden nodded. “Good. Now get the hell out of my sight before I try to find some place on you that isn’t already bruised and make it match the rest of your face.”

“I’m going.”

“And send Rabb in.”

Webb scuttled through the door. Jerking his head over his shoulder, he told Harm, “Your turn. Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Harm rubbed his sweating palms on his jeans. He and Mac had heard every word that the Admiral had bellowed at Webb. He approached the doorway.

“Permission to enter?” he asked.

“Close the hatch behind you,” was the terse reply.

Once in the room, Harm stood still, not quite at attention, but also not at ease. He wasn’t really sure what to expect.

The Admiral turned to face him. “Mr. Rabb, is it not customary for an officer to stand at attention when facing a superior officer?”

Harm straightened. “Yes, Sir. It is, Sir.”

“Good. Commander, I am surprised that I have to remind you of that bit of protocol.”

“I believe that I submitted my resignation, Sir.”

“You did. But need I remind the Commander that until an officer has received his last paycheck, he is still in the Navy and therefore subject to the regulations of the Navy?”

“No, Sir.” Harm decided that staring at the wall was in order.

“Good. Now, Commander, as usual, you have completely messed up the paperwork.” The Admiral spared a grin for the Commander’s back.

Harm continued to stare in silence. No sense in saying anything to draw further attention to himself.

“You neglected, yet again, to submit your resignation in triplicate.”

“I’m sorry, Sir. It was an oversight.”

“Damn straight, it was an oversight.” The admiral took up a place inches from Harm’s face. “Now, Commander, I understand that you were under an unusual amount of pressure in recent weeks.” He paused and waited for a response.

“Yes, Sir.” Harm could feel the sweat prickling between his shoulder blades.

“And given the circumstances, I am willing to allow you a little leeway. I covered for you this time, but I’m damned if I’ll do it a third time.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

“But it is the last time, Commander. Is that clear?” The Admiral’s gaze pierced him to the bone.

“Yes, Sir.”

“So, Commander, can I expect to see you in uniform in the office in the morning?”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

“At ease.”

Harm relaxed his stance and drew in a deep breath.

“Now, Commander, I understand, more than you may believe, what you have been going through. I would like to point out to you, that part of your problem was of your own making.”

Startled, Harm just stared at the Admiral.

“Harm, you shut people out. You lied to people. You withheld information. Had you come clean with me in the first place, none of it would have happened in all probability.”

“No, Sir.” Harm was taken aback by the Admiral’s words.

“Now, I hope you have learned something from the experience. You do have friends. A lot of people at JAG care very much about you. But it’s a two-way street. You have to learn to let people in. If you don’t, you’re going to wind up like me.” He paused to let Harm digest the message.

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“Damn right, it is. Trust me, Commander. You’ll be a lot happier if you get over the idea that you are Superman. You don’t have to save the world all alone.” He smiled tightly. “Heck, even Clark Kent let Lois Lane help him from time to time.”

“Yes, Sir. Understood, Sir.”

“Good. Now let’s get out of here and get you and the Colonel home.”

“Aye, aye, Sir.” He turned and followed the Admiral through the door.

As the trio walked across the parking lot to the Admiral’s car, Chegwidden turned to the two officers. “I trust that the two of you are going to allow me a little time to let the last few situations blow over before I have to find a loophole to allow both of you to remain at JAG.”

Harm and Mac exchanged panicked looks. “Aye, aye, Sir.”

“Good. I expect you to keep things out of the office.” He smiled wryly at them. “Although why I think that is possible, I have no clue.”

“Yes, Sir. But, if I may speak freely?” Mac spoke quietly.

“What is it, Colonel?”

“Perhaps it would be best if neither one of us was the judge on the other one’s case, Sir.”

The Admiral let out a short laugh. “Point taken. I’ll see what I can do. Let’s get out of here. It’s been a long few weeks.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you sir.”

They slid into the car, and the Admiral turned the key. That had gone well, he thought. Now if Webb would only actually stay away for awhile, things might just get back to normal.

********************
Chapter 7
********************
23:00 Zulu
Georgetown
In front of Mac’s apartment

“You sure you don’t need a ride, Commander?”

Mac answered for him. “No, Sir. I’m going to get cleaned up and then I’ll take him home. We’re going to find some food.”

“If you’re sure...”

“We are. Thanks anyway, Sir.” Harm closed the door to the Admiral’s car and followed Mac into her building.

She disappeared into her bedroom as he walked over to the window. Looking out at the early evening sky, Harm sighed deeply. The events of the past weeks had been both mentally and physically exhausting. The conversations he’d had with Mac had gone a long way toward healing his bruised spirit, but he knew he still had some work to do himself. He smiled wryly, remembering the conversation with the admiral. Trust the former SEAL to order him back to the office. “I wonder if anyone has ever successfully resigned from the Navy while serving under his command?” he muttered.

“I doubt it.” Mac entered the living room, looking much more comfortable in jeans and a tee shirt. Her still-wet hair was slicked back behind her ears. “You know, I didn’t realize how truly awful I felt until I got those clothes off. I’m tempted to burn them.”

Harm laughed. “Tell me about it. I think I’ve been wearing these for a week.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Nah. I’d say no more than four or five days.”

“Then let’s get out of here so I can get clean.”

“Okay.” She grabbed her purse and fished for her keys.

***************
23:45
North of Union Station
Outside Harm’s apartment

“That’s odd.” Harm stared up at the lights shining from his apartment windows.

“What?”

“I’m positive I turned the lights off when I left for South America.”

“Landlord?”

He shook his head. “Unlikely.”

Mac reached for the door handle. “Well, I doubt it’s a burglar. It’s not like you have all that much worth stealing. And there are too many lights on. Maybe Harriet came over to check on your plants.”

“Maybe.” He sounded doubtful.

Harm stood still in shock as he opened the elevator door. Light spilled from his apartment into the hall. A smiling AJ Roberts was poised in the doorway, bouncing with excitement.

“Uncle Harm! Aunt Mac!” He ran full tilt into Harm’s legs, almost knocking his godfather off balance.

“Whoa, there, buddy!” Harm swung the exuberant child up in his arms. “How have you been?”

“Fine.” A sudden scowl crossed the little boy’s face. “I missed you, Uncle Harm. Where’ve you been?”

Harm ruffled his blond hair. “I was in South America, AJ. Aunt Mac was there too.”

The child looked from Harm to Mac. “Hmm. Did you find Aunt Mac or did she find you?”

The two adults exchanged amazed glances before Harm replied. “We found each other, AJ.”

Satisfied, AJ wriggled out of Harm’s grasp. “C’mon. Mommy’s cooking dinner, and I’m starved!” He pulled them into the apartment. “‘Mander Turner is here, too,” he informed them.

Harm’s eyes narrowed. What was going on here?

A sheepish-looking Bud Roberts stood next to the kitchen island where Harriet was putting the finishing touches on a salad. Sturgis Turner was setting the table.

“Welcome home, Commander, Colonel,” Harriet said. “I hope you don’t mind, but I thought you guys might be in the mood for a home-cooked meal tonight.”

Harm swallowed the lump that was clogging his throat. “Thank you, Harriet. We would. It’s been a while.” He looked uncertainly at his friends. “Uh, let me grab a quick shower. I’ll be right back.”

“Take your time, Sir.” Harriet smiled brightly at him. “It’ll be at least fifteen or twenty minutes before the lasagna is finished.”

“All right.” Harm disappeared into his bedroom, still unsure how to react.

Out in the kitchen, Harriet turned to Mac. “Is he all right, Ma’am?”

“He’s getting there.” Mac smiled at their friends. “This is really nice of you.”

Sturgis was the first to reply. “We thought we should do something. We recently realized that we had been somewhat neglectful lately. I guess we’re all so used to Harm not needing any help that it didn’t occur to us that things were different this time.”

Mac nodded. “I know. He tries so hard to be strong, that when he isn’t, he doesn’t even know how to ask for help. He just retreats even further inside himself.” She smiled slightly. “But perhaps all that’s happened the past few weeks will help him see what a bad idea that is.”

Bud looked chagrined. “We still should have known. I mean, if the NCIS had accused one of us, Harm would have done whatever it took to find out the truth. I feel terrible that I didn’t do the same for him.”

“It’s all right, Bud.” Harm walked into the kitchen area. “You have a wife and family to take care of. It wouldn’t be smart to disobey orders and go off on a crusade like that.”

Sturgis’s mouth turned up in a mischievous grin. “What I still don’t understand is why Gibbs picked on Harm from the very beginning, when there was at least one other officer at JAG who was a better suspect.”

“Who on earth would that be?” Harm asked.

“Why, Lieutenant Simms, of course.” Sturgis grinned widely at Harriet’s shocked expression. “Don’t deny it, Lieutenant. You had already been guilty of perpetrating an act of violence on the woman.”

Confused, Harm and Mac looked at Harriet. “What is he talking about, Harriet?”

“Yes, honey, what’s that about?” Bud stared at his brick-red wife.

“Uh, it really wasn’t that big a deal.”

Sturgis’s deep chuckle caused her to flush even more. “I don’t think that what happened last spring was ‘not a big deal.’ And as I recall, neither did the Admiral.”

“Commander, I am going to get you for this.” Harriet glared at Turner. “Honestly, he’s making a mountain out of a molehill.”

Mac began to giggle. “I think I know. This wouldn’t have anything to do with the ‘door’ that Tiner told me Singer ran into when we were all in Afghanistan, would it?”

Bud still looked befuddled. “Honey, were you with Singer when she had some sort of accident?”

“Oh, if I’m any judge of character, there was nothing accidental at all.” Sturgis was having trouble keeping a straight face.

“I think you better come clean, Harriet,” Harm advised.

“Oh, all right. It really was no big deal. Remember the night that you two were missing?”

Harm and Mac nodded. How could they forget their little mishap with the land mine?

“Well, Lt. Singer was going around the bullpen, smugly informing anyone that she thought would be upset by the news, that you two were missing and that it didn’t look good at all.” Harriet sighed. “It made me angry. And I told her that I thought she was awful for gloating about your misfortune. And that I was angry that she seemed to be deciding which of your offices she wanted.”

“Go on.” Harm was intrigued. Who would have thought that Harriet had it in her?

“And then she did that eye-rolling thing she used to do, like ‘I’m ten times smarter than you, so just shut up.’ So I suggested we forget we were both lieutenants, and we went into her office, and I closed the blinds, and then I decked her.” Harriet finished in a rush.

“Then what?” Mac’s eyes were wide in astonishment.

“Then we went back to work.” Harriet shrugged nonchalantly. “Like I said, no big deal.”

Harm’s joyful laughter rang out. “Harriet, remind me to find you if I ever need someone to defend me, OK?”

“Yes, Sir.” She turned to look at the clock. “And now it’s time for dinner.”

An hour and a half later, dinner was over, the kitchen was clean, and little AJ Roberts was falling asleep on the sofa.

“I think we better get him home,” Harriet suggested. She picked him up as Bud rose from his chair.

Sturgis rose too. “I better be heading on home, too. It was good to get together again. See you tomorrow.”

The three officers made their way to the door.

“Thanks again, you guys. This was a fantastic welcome home.” Harm’s voice was warm as he walked them to the elevator. “It really means a lot.”

“You’re welcome.” Harriet looked up at him. “And now, I’m going to play mother. Harm, you and Mac both looked exhausted. Go get some sleep.”

“Yes, Mom.” He flashed her a wide smile before returning to his apartment and gently closing the door.

“Whew.” He blew out his breath. “Where does AJ get all that energy?”

“He’s four. You probably had that much energy back then too.”

“Maybe. I don’t really remember.”

“Yeah, it was a long time ago.” Mac’s grin was her undoing.

Harm pinned her to the sofa and began to tickle her. “Smart marines don’t make cracks about other people’s ages,” he advised her when she pleaded with him to stop.

“Oh yeah? Well, how about smart squids don’t begin anything they can’t finish when messing with a marine?” Before he could answer, she had flipped him on his back and was leaning over him, an appraising look in her eye. “You know, Harm, you look exhausted. Maybe I should go home now and let you get a good night’s sleep.”

“You’ve got to be pretty tired yourself,” he agreed. “But don’t go on my account.”

“Oh?”

He looked rueful. “I’ve pretty much given up the idea of ever getting a good night’s sleep again.”

She stared down at him. “Nightmares or insomnia?”

“Yes.” He lowered his eyelids, unsure if he was ready for her to see the longing he knew was in his eyes.

“Both?” She sat up then and pulled him with her. Turning to face him on the couch, she touched a gentle hand to his chest. “How long has this been going on?”

Harm stared at their clasped hands. “How long since we found out about Singer’s murder?”

Mac pulled him into her arms and held him gently. “So which is it? Nightmares or can’t get to sleep?”

“It depends. Some nights, I’m so tired I fall asleep. Then I have the dreams. Other nights, as soon as I close my eyes, one of the dreams starts playing, like a tape on an endless loop.” He rested his cheek on the top of her head. “I’m not sure which is worse.”

“Probably a toss up. Would it help to talk about the dreams?”

“I don’t think you want to hear about them. They’re pretty horrible.”

She gently rubbed his back. “Harm, maybe if you tell me about them, they’ll go away.”

“You’re sure you want me to tell you?”

“Harm, if you can dream about it, I can hear about it.”

“All right.” He drew in a long breath. “In one, I’ve been convicted and given the death penalty. Nobody believes me that I didn’t do it, and my appeal fails. I wake up right when someone is sticking the needle in my arm.”

“Oh, Harm.” Her hands tightened on his arms. “I hope you know that I believed you. And if it had come to that, I would have defied the Admiral and saved your six.”

He nodded. “Then there is the one where I’m in Leavenworth and Palmer has a key to my cell.” At her gasp, he stopped. “I told you they weren’t good bedtime stories.”

“No, Harm. It’s just that I can imagine how that must make you feel.”

“Well, once you left with Webb, the dreams changed to ones where you and he got caught.”

She pulled him closer. “Did you have nightmares last night?”

“Yeah.”

Her decision made, Mac announced, “That settles it then. I’m staying tonight. Maybe if you’re not alone, you’ll be able to get some sleep.”

“And if I can’t?”

“Then we’ll think of something.” She grinned at him. “Just be sure to set the alarm early enough that I have time to go to my apartment before work. I don’t think the Admiral is going to declare jeans the uniform of the day.”

Harm leaned out of her embrace far enough to look at her. “Sarah, I love you.”

Then he leaned back in and touched his lips to hers. He kissed her with longing, trying to put into the kiss all his feelings. As his lips moved on hers, she ran her fingers in his hair. Deepening the kiss, she moaned with delight. They kissed hungrily, all the pent up frustration of the last seven years dissolving in their embrace.

Long minutes later, when they broke the kiss in order to breathe, Mac stood and held out her hand. “C’mon, Flyboy. Let’s go to bed.”

He allowed her to pull him to his feet. “I’ll take the couch,” he offered.

“Not in this millennium. The whole point of me staying tonight is for you to get a good night’s sleep.” She grinned up at him. “I’ll take the couch.”

Startled at her comment, he asked, “And what if I don’t want you to?”

“Well, what do you want?”

“It’s a big bed. How about if we share?”

She shot a startled look at his face. “The bed?”

“Just to sleep, Mac. I doubt that either of us is ready to take this any farther right now.” He gazed tenderly at her.

“You’re right. Not that I don’t want us to be a lot closer eventually, but later, when this change in our relationship isn’t so new, and we both aren’t so tired or recovering from quite so much stress.” She snaked an arm around his waist and laid her head on his chest. “Harm, did I thank you enough for coming after us?”

He hugged her tightly. “Surely you knew I would. Butch would never let Sundance down, now would he?”

She laughed softly. “No, he wouldn’t. God, Harm, I love you so much.” She pulled away and grabbed his hand. Tugging him toward the bedroom, she said, “And now, Flyboy, it’s definitely time for bed. Tomorrow is another day.”

He followed her up the stair. “Yeah, the first day of the rest of our lives.”

“I like the sound of that.”

“So do I, Mac, so do I.”

The End.

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